Beware the gatekeepers...

This is not a religion. There is nothing here that I need you to Believe in any more than you'd believe in a hammer, or a paintbrush or a well designed and beautifully presented excel spreadsheet. Zen Hedonism is something you use to get things done. It is a tool, a device, a mental Discipline.

A few weeks ago a friend and I had an unnecessarily lengthy discussion about the sounds that building security systems make when they decline your security ID. There may have been beer involved. Our theory was that there is someone out there whose job is to compose the three note chimes that security systems use. They probably have to come up with three or four options for a committee, for a client. Those three descending notes? Someone wrote that.

The other reason why this is not a religion is that I'm not asking you for a percentage of your income for ever and ever in exchange for some cosmic credit, redeemable only upon your death. I mean, you can if you want to but all it will get you is the warm satisfaction of knowing that I get to afford this month's gin.

Our discussion naturally ranged onto the other possibilities that we would have chosen should the task have been assigned to us. Options included a sad trumpet wha wha whaaaa, a recording of a small child shouting No! and the sound of a big scary monster waking up and noticing you. We came up a lot of different brilliant noises until were politely asked to leave the bar.

Religions have some funny ideas about money. Largely they claim that money is evil except that which you give to them. They call that money love. It's like they want to protect you from the evils of temptation by absorbing it all themselves. And sometimes I can't tell if they truly believe what they are peddling. These preachers who claim you should be humble before god and then ask you for contributions towards their new private jet.

You need to listen to the noises gatekeepers make when they stand between you and your goals, your dreams. Sometime the advice they give, the reasons why they won't fund you, are genuine. Maybe you haven't gotten your script to a good place yet, maybe your business plan does have some tragic flaws in its predicted cash-flow. Take the good advice and make your plans stronger and come back at the gatekeepers stronger and harder until they yield.

Sometimes, though, the noises gatekeepers make are pure bullshit. If a rich man is telling you your soul needs to be free of worldly goods and he lives in a mansion then he is scum. If someone tells you that the only way to glory is through them then they are lying. If a more experienced artist is telling you that the only way to succeed is to emulate them then, seriously, avoid them at cocktail parties. Your path to glory is yours alone. Heed advice, use it when it's good, but never blindly follow.

So, yeah, Zen Hedonism is not a religion. It is not the one true way. It is a bunch of ideas and suggestions and services that may help you. Feel free to pick and choose which bits you want to use and which you want to ignore. And yes I do want you to pay me for it, but only that which is of value to you, as and when you need it.

Last thing: I don't care if you do belong to a church and want to donate to it. If it brings you comfort in the cold lonely dread of night then fine. But do so with your eyes open. And if your church calls for a tithe of 10% of your income make it 10% of your disposable income, the money have left after you have paid your rent, fed your kids, paid the power bill. Your god will still love you. If not then maybe it's not love. And if your minister or pastor has a problem with this then maybe listen more carefully to the noises they make and decide what rings true for you.